Ouch!I’m a woman!
on July 13, 2008
Theme: crime : Indian women : IPLMegha Swamy
Every time I look at the poster, I want to tell Priyanka Chopra to get a grip. Have some self-respect! The ‘hero’ (a muscled Roshan look-alike) stands tall; and the meek, red haired (?) Chopra almost clings on to him. The pink teddy (???) just completes the sappy look. She could as well have screamed, “Oh, my knight in shining leather pants! Hold me, protect me!”
Indian women should be entitled to a lot more respect. Even as our society comes of age and our women are empowered, somehow there has never been a drastic change in the notion that the woman is weaker, needs to be a certain way, quiet and docile; and yes, needs a man by her side. The scary part is that even women don’t seem to respect themselves or consider their kin as being at par with males.
It is the quintessential middle-class mentality that if a man drinks or smokes, well, that is just how men are made. If a woman does the same; comments roll out in droves. Aunties, chachis and neighbouring homemakers exclaim, “Ayyo! Look, look at that girl!”. “Shee! Must be such a loose character.” And there have been other theories, that the woman in question must be from a broken family or a lover might have spurned her, leading to the amorous state of affairs. So essentially, if a woman does exactly what a man does, she is a lesser and somehow promiscuous human.
The skimpy outfits of the cheerleaders during the IPL created a furor. Ministers objected and the girls were told to cover-up. Their dresses were deemed against ‘Indian culture’. Anybody who had attended one of the earlier matches at the Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai would have heard incessant vulgar chants from the crowds directed towards the cheerleaders. “Item, Item, I love you!” screamed the perverts. Was such behaviour in tune with our esteemed culture? Then why weren’t those men booked, or even told to shut up!?
It is simply because the middle-class thinks that the women called it upon themselves. They are, after all, enticing the men, aren’t they? The woman is to be blamed. And therefore, considering the larger picture, a rape victim would have in some way, called it upon herself to be raped. And in a divorce, it must have been the fault of the woman, for not listening to her man and ‘sacrificing’. Such thinking justifies rape and indeed all other crimes against women.
Men rape because they can. And divorces happen because two people are not compatible.
I am not endorsing smoking, drinking and skimpy outfits among women which is a personal choice. But a woman should be able to do what she wants. Wear what she wants and not be stared, leered at or taped by some pervert on his mobile phone.
We need to assert that even if a woman walks naked on a street, a man cannot–just cannot–touch her. Simply because it is a crime. And women, in whatever state they may be, are not commodities to be vandalized.
Once while waiting at a bus-stop, a man stared incessantly and blatantly at me. I asked him why he was doing so. “Well, it’s your fault, you’re in the middle of my sight”, he leered, showing a sick smile. I replied, “Well, why don’t I slap you and pretend your face was in the way of my hand.” He seemed dumbstruck for a second and simply walked away. It seemed that the new-to-the-big-city pervert had never encountered a woman who could stand up to a man.
Women need to stand up and start respecting themselves as equal to men. The men will follow accordingly.
And hence, contrary to what the Priyanka Chopra poster might suggest, we are not crystal show pieces to be taken care of by the ‘all powerful’ male.
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Comments
Lovely article! n yaa…nice reply to that pervert man (at the bus-stop). I’m soo proud of u !!
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Nice article…even i used to think that women who wears revealing clothes are bitchy but its a personal choice…..i feel that sarees are the most revealing outfit and its an indian women’ s favourite attire.
my dad should read ur article……my relatives bitch girls who wear jeans or 3fourths……..c mon wearing salwar kameez would not make us sati savitri……….
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Lot’s of nari power here. What is a nariyal doing here?
In my experience, these men have been taught to look down upon women wearing modern clothes. They think it is right to whistle and stare at them disrespectfully. I think it is ok to appreciate. Women in India should also be comfortable with this and they should also appreciate good looking rare men.
But can I whistle at the women in yellow? They wont mind I think
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Have you seen the posters of Singh is King
“We need to assert that even if a woman walks naked on a street, a man cannot–just cannot–touch her”
I agree
“Men rape because they can”
Explain explain. You mean it’s a power thing with them?
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Hey,
We can’t assign an absolute reason to rape. So simply put, if men couldn’t rape, they wouldn’t. Hence men rape because they can. It’s my personal belief that any other reasoning would in turn justify the act.
And no, I havent seen the poster of Singh is King. Good lord, I dunno what awaits moi.
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The universal and diurnal struggle between the powerful and the powerless! Its high time that the equations alter. Author shows keen insight. An interestimg read.
Best wishes.
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You go girl! That pervert deserved the slap before he walked away!
When you say men rape because they can, do you mean they do it because they (feel they) have the physica power to do it and women do not (or in most cases are overpowered); or do you mean that they do it in the knowledge that most rapists are never persecuted?
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Women rape too! So a rape victim cannot be generalized as a woman and similarly a rapist as a man – but you do that generalize a habit of the inexperienced and ill-informed. Most rapes by women are worse in the sense that they are against children, especially boys.
“It seemed that the new-to-the-big-city pervert had never encountered a woman who could stand up to a man.”
I have found more perverts both men and women who are from cities – born, raised, educated, working, living there; does that mean everyone from a city is a pervert? Certainly Not!
Your statement sounds stereotypical and even elitist. I have found that people men and women who are new to the city and may act in ways that we may find unacceptable, this is more because they are not socially aware about how to act in these societies because they didn’t have the privilege that you or I may have in learning these things. In fact there are still places where your opinion of etiquette may not match with that of the local culture. For example if you are non Chinese and end up in the more native areas of Beijing or Shanghai you may be stared upon, if you are western or westernized then you may consider it rude. Does that mean the Chinese are some kind of perverts? The answer in case you don’t know is they are not. It is their culture or curiosity that may make them do something that would appear rude to someone else. This is not their problem but of the perceiver.
-We need to assert that even if a woman walks naked on a street, a man cannot–just cannot–touch her. – I agree with this statement in spirit so technically would it be OK if a man were to do the same, or much less such as say look at someone. Should a man be slapped or threatened to be slapped because he chooses to look at a woman – I am sure that is less of an offense that walking naked in the street.
You basically contradicted yourself in spirit when you stated that;
- Once while waiting at a bus-stop, a man stared incessantly and blatantly at me. I asked him why he was doing so. “Well, it’s your fault, you’re in the middle of my sight”, he leered, showing a sick smile. I replied, “Well, why don’t I slap you and pretend your face was in the way of my hand.” -
He did not threaten to slap you, touch you, hurt you etc he was looking at you – at a public space – a bus-stop – where he had every right to be – just as I am sure you do too – now he did not invade your private space directly – he was only looking at you from what you stated – if you didn’t like it then you should have either left or ignored it – but you chose to intrude into his private space directly and asked him why he was looking at you – which in all probability could just have been an assumption – he may have just been looking across you and even if he did look at you what is the big deal with it – do you think nobody has a right to look around them and at people around them in a public space? He did not threaten you or make comments towards you did he?
I am sure there should be some truth when you stated that the guy said “Well, it’s your fault, you’re in the middle of my sight”, he leered, showing a sick smile. – I am sure he smiled but it wasn’t a sick one rather a sickened one – sickened due to having to observe your “self obsession.” You basically threatened a person, you threatened to slap them, threatened them with physical force and aggression, that is a crime under law my dear and amounts to criminal intimidation.
“Well, why don’t I slap you and pretend your face was in the way of my hand.” – Try giving an explanation to that statement in a court of law if you are charged and NO the judge in any sane country with sane laws will not consider a man looking at you as a crime or even wrong – and neither will his sarcastic statement amount to one – but yours that would qualify for legal action.
“Women need to stand up and start respecting themselves as equal to men. The men will follow accordingly.” – I agree 100% – Men are sick and tired of all that stupid chivalry where they put women even unworthy and undeserving women and women’s lives above their own.
There are numerous examples to illustrate the same – one such is what happened on the Titanic when men choose to stay on board the sinking ship so that women and children could board the limited life boats that were available there. My dear if Men Wanted to save their lives at the cost of Women then they would have but they didn’t. I don’t know how many perverts and rapists were there on the Titanic but there certainly were a number of honorable men there that day – But all for what? – so that women and women’s organizations could generalize, demonize, men and boys. There are numerous other such examples.
“And hence, contrary to what the Priyanka Chopra poster might suggest, we are not crystal show pieces to be taken care of by the ‘all powerful’ male.” – Absolutely agree once again. First most women are not crystal show pieces, and even if they were show pieces they would be Gaudy not Crystal. However, second and more importantly Women should finally start pulling there own weight, and we men will support it with all our heart.
No Reservation for them – They are equal to men.
No special laws for them – They are equal to men.
No violation of one of the most basic principles of natural justice, which is of deeming an accused(mostly in men in gender issues related cases) as being innocent until proven guilty and placing the burden of evidence on the accuser (mostly women) as is expected under common law.
No wrongful arrest and confinement of men just because of a wild accusation by women.
To start expecting women to take responsibility for their lives and their actions.
No more parasitic leaching by non working women who call themselves housewives. No there is no such thing as a working housewife, maybe in the poor segments of society there might but certainly not in the bourgeoisie.
No more women changing their minds and accusing men of conning and cheating them after what they had in fact was consensual intercourse…..
Women being held accountable for aggression (like the kind you showed) just as men are; also women being held accountable for manipulation.
Protecting male reproductive rights, as well as the male baby.
Why is abortion of a female fetus a crime looked upon as murdering or killing the girl child but all other abortion i.e. abortion of boys called sensible family planning?
Equate women harassing men – husbands or even fathers for money etc as no different from dowry harassment.
Why does a man pursuing a woman who he had a relationship with and who used him amount to a crime; but a woman doing the same i.e. pursuing a man who she had a relationship with and got used amount to pursuing justice.
I could go on – In fact you know what Sister? – I WANT you to GROW UP – I don’t want your damn Rakhi, you can keep it and also take care of yourself in the mean time – you and all women – so that finally we men don’t have to carry your weight for you; and we (meaning both of us-the genders) can expect all humans – men and women to act responsibly and with respect and dignity towards each other instead of generalizing and threatening them.
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