The Young India

Kartikey Sehgal

 

 

Sreesanth (1,2 ) is more popular than Abhinav Bindra. He is more popular than Pullela Gopichand, the All England  Open Badminton Championships winner. Of course, Abhinav and Gopichand can never match Sreesanth’s salsa skills and his acrobatically constipated face.

Meanwhile, India is celebrating Abhinav’s gold medal in different manners. Some are giving him money; others are naming grounds after him and sending him marriage proposals while a few are planning some controversies around him.

 

Media Boss: Find out everything. What he eats and with whom he eats. Show him photographs of four actresses and notice which one he looks at first. Then link her with him.

Intern: Sir have you realized that before this we didn’t know who he was and we never covered him?

Media Boss: Tch! You are just an educated novice.

 

 

Meanwhile, in a dilapidated slum area somewhere in the country, some erstwhile hockey and football players are celebrating Abhinav’s win with adulterated whiskey.

Hockey Player: Well done Abhinav baby! (hic) You had proper shoes to wear, I am so proud of you.

Football Player: My foot sores still trouble me my friend. Let me put some of this whiskey on my feet. Ah! Thanks

Hockey Player: The government has improved. They are giving him crores of rupees after winning the gold medal.

Football Player: Where was this money when we needed it? When I had to decide between eating my lunch and wearing… aah… I wish I had amputation money.

 

 

The President addresses the Nation

President: I hope that all our sharp shooters, underworld gunmen will take lessons from Abhinav and join the proper stream and win us more medals.

 

 

A new movie on Abhinav is announced

Director: Yeh kaun hai? (who is he?)

Asst. Director: Sir Bindra hai. (Bindra sir)

Director: Gadhe maine Abhinav Bindra ke liye kaha tha, I S Bindra ke liye nahin. (You ass, I had asked for Abhinav Bindra, not I S Bindra)

 

 

Then another movie is announced

Writer: Sir just before he takes his final aim, he will take the name of Gods and Goddesses.

Producer: No, he will go for a loo break where some Chinese Jackie Chans will beat him up and especially in the eye.

Writer: Good idea. He will come out and see less clearly, and then he will take the name of Gods and…

Producer: No no, then we will have an item number, just before the target. The girl will act as an eye healer for Bindra.

“Aa teer chala, aa teer chala. Mere dil mein aag laga”

 

 

And finally, the politicians and bureaucrats have their own way of celebration

Sec is Secretary

P.M. is Prime Minister

 

Sec: Sir, Abhinav Bindra has won gold at Olympics.

P.M: Woh kaun Hai? Sonai ji ka dost to nahin na?
(who is he? Not friend of Sonia ji I hope?)

Sec: Nahin Sir, lekin abhi shayad ban jayega.
(no Sir, but now he might become)

P.M: Kitna gold jeeta? Discount pe mila?
(how much Gold did he win? He got some discount?)

Sec: Nahin Sir Gold Medal mila, jitne par.
(no Sir he got a gold medal, on winning)

P.M: Wah wah, kitni achchi baat hai. Hamare naujawan bahar jaate hain, jeet ke aate hain, sabko harate hain, wah wah.
(Wow, wow, such a nice thing. Our youngsters go out, win and come back, defeat everyone, wow wow)

Sec: Bilkul Sir, badi achchi baat hai.
(Absolutely Sir, it’s a very good thing)

P.M: Kitne run banaye?
(how many runs did he make?)

Sec: Haanji Sir?
(Yes sir?)

P.M: Kitne run banaye?
(how many runs did he make?)

Sec: Sir, woh… shooting ke liye prize mila.
(Sir, er… he got the prize for shooting)

P.M: Yeh foreign wale bhi bade ajeeb hote hain. Pehele rote hain ki school aur college main shooting hoti hai, aur phit usi ke liye prize bhi dete hain.
(These foreigners are also very weird. First they cry that there is lots of shooting in schools and colleges, and then they give a prize for the same)

Sec: Sir yeh Air Rifle shooting hai.
(Sir this is Air Rifle shooting)

P.M: Phir to jeetna hi tha. Chori aur murder aur shooting main hamse achcha koi nahin. Veerappan bhi achchi shooting karta tha.
(Then victory was certain. Nobody is better in robbery and murder and shooting than us. Veerappan also was a good shooter)

Sec: Sir yeh sport hai..
(Sir this is a sport…)

P.M: Oho! Legal shooting hai yeh? Achchi baat hai. Well done.
(Oh my! This is legal shooting? It’s a good thing. Well done)

Sec: Sir 10 lakh deden?
(Sir should we give 10 lakh?)

P.M: Haan dedo.
(Yes give)

Sec: 15-20 kar dete hain
(Let’s make it 15-20)

P.M: Theek hai. Aisa karo 30 dedo, taaki baad main yeh na kahen ki hamne sports ke liye kuch nahin kiya.
(ok. Make it 30, so that in future they don’t say that we didn’t do much for sports)

Sec: Yeh theek hai Sir. Hum kahenge ki hamne 30 lakh de diye. Ab Bindra ki marzi un paison se woh kya kare.
(this is fine Sir. We’ll say that we gave 30 lakh. Now it is up to Bindra what he does with that money)

P.M: News waale kya keh rahe hain?
(what are the news people saying?)

Sec: Sir woh keh rahe hain ki ab desh ke log sir uncha karke chalenge.
(Sir they are saying that now the people of this nation will walk with head held high)

P.M: Kyun? Rape aur murder khatam ho gaye?
(Why? Rape and murder are over?)

Sec: Nahin Sir, woh kehte hain ki gold medal ka matlab hai ki desh ka naam uncha ho gaya hai. Hum number one ho gaye hain.
(No Sir, they say that gold medal means that nation’s name has risen. We have become number one)

P.M: Kaash woh Abhinav Singh hota. Toh sab phir kehte ki Singh is King!
(I wish his name was Abhinav Singh. Then everybody would again say that Singh is King!)

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