Miss India Mishap : The Young India

Kartikey Sehgal

(Also published in the Hindustan Times, 2008)

The author encounters a Miss India contestant on a train journey. The experience makes him feel like he is both, the villain as well as the tragic hero of this tale.

A young and attractive Miss India contestant sat down opposite my seat on our way to Mumbai from Indore. My relatives, some twenty or thirty of them, decided to ‘glimpse’ at this light eyed beauty and took turns to sit next to me. Those who didn’t have the courage to sit and talk to her just passed by and smiled at me.

One of my relatives arrived at our seat. With his face towards the girl he enquired about my health. He asked me I was doing fine and if I would be interested in visiting his seat anytime soon. After my assurances about my health and the comfort of the seat, he smiled and glimpsed at the lady in black who was reading a book.

My relatives and some strangers (including some women) became friendly with me, patted my back and smiled gleefully. I was the only one close to her age and they chose to transfer their lusts and desires to her through me.

It seemed that the middle aged bodies of the ageing knights and countesses had been stirred by this maiden.

Now, the tragic part of the tale. The hero (I), a tad embarrassed with the bouncing oldies, tried to involve the maiden in a talk on studies and literature. Away from the hypocritical world of deceitful men and judicious mothers, we could sail on in our boat and discuss about the world around us.

Alas. The girl decided that such talk was boring and started munching talk with the ladies. After much minor talk that included ideas to trap a man into marriage, the ladies praised her courage and wisdom to pursue her dreams and showered her with limitless praises.

Perhaps the topics were boring or she was not used to them. But before I could shift the meter the maiden declared that men who talk ‘concepts’ do so only to impress girls. She was surprised that I had not done what boys normally do to her; talk ‘light’ and praise her for her beauty.

According to the girl what I really wanted to do (and should have been doing) was to praise her eyes, nose, smile and dimples or something similar. Everything else before and after that was unimportant.

The ladies, who were secretly chuckling, supported her. An hour earlier, they were complaining about the big bad world stereotyping women.

I wondered if the mouth was an anomaly in certain women and started reading a book. This probably confused the beauty queen who was still waiting for my amourous advances. Based on miss model’s views, it was decided that I was reading the book also to impress our lady. I wondered what they would have made of my visit to the washroom.

A fellow passenger, who was till now a silent observer, joined in on the conversation and discreetly praised the maiden. He spoke of his own courtship and how he loves his wife very dearly. After the maiden left, he claimed that he could have ‘won’ her or ‘had’ her quicker than any man around. “You should have secretly taken her photo,” he rued.

The maiden left the train after receiving blessings for her Miss India mission. She could not read any of the relatives who would frown if their daughters had a male friend or entered a beauty pageant.

The hero who gave credence to her mind was sidelined.

Whether she wins the contest or not, let’s hope our maiden comes out with wider horizons about people. I hope she doesn’t tell the judge, "You are asking me too many questions. You just want to impress me."

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The Young India

Miss India Mishap

on July 5, 2009

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