Kartikey Sehgal

Owing to the female mind’s impulse to test eye shadow and blush (cosmetic) on my face when I was in a hurry, I walked out of my home forgetting to wipe out the colourful powders from my face.

Few men looked at me. It’s not that I was looking funny; men, as is their nature, will look at anything that reminds them of women.

Many times, their inquisitiveness about your well-being and work-life is actually a ploy to know about the women in your life.

When men ask one another “so what do you do?” they mean to ask how many women you work with and if they are desirable.

An example:

“I am a journalist”
“Oh”, the lower lip protrudes and the head nods in acknowledgement.
“Cool job, lots of moving around”
(And meeting different types of women)

Some of them want minute details of your association with the opposite sex.

“So what do you cover?”
“Cover?”

“I mean, which department are you in?”

When you say:

“I am a sub-editor, desk job”
“Cool”
(Making out in office)

Or

“I write about fashion”
“Cool”
(Must be meeting ‘hot’ models)

Or

“I write on social issues”
“Cool”
(Are there some sweaty and frustrated social activists?)

Some time in the future, conversations would be to-the-point:

“So what do you do?”

“I am a journalist who meets sweaty and frustrated social activists”
“Cool”

What if you are a doctor or an aspiring doctor?

“Wow, a doctor? Whom do you dig?”
“Dig?”
“I mean what do you check?”
“I check urinary tract infections in children”
“Cool”
(Gynecologists must be having so much fun)
“Some times I have to force urine out of them”
“Superb”
(But do gynecologists get bored after some time?)

“This way I have befriended many children”
“I understand”
(Breast cancer checkers must be having great knowledge)

Some time later,

“Do you stay at home or in a hostel?”
“I stay in the dorm; it is technically a hostel”
“Wow, must be having so much fun.”
“Oh yes, it is easy to go back to the lab if you have forgotten to dissect the frog of the day”

“Sure. And so what do you do in the hostel?”
“We chat a lot. Sleep late and you know… the regular.”
“Wow”

Some moments later, he attempts to understand what you ‘really’ do in the hostel.

“You must be meeting people of diverse cultures in the hostel.”
“Yes”
“Both men and women”
“Yes”

“But I believe that interaction with women must be less because the distance between the hostels is very long?”
“Not at all; they are present on every alternative floor of the hostel”

“Ok. I really appreciate your checking urinary tract infection in children”
He pats your back and disappears. Perhaps he will join the medical stream and somebody will ask him:

“So what do you do in life?”
“I am a doctor who meets diverse women on alternative floors in the hostel”

Selected Stories from Outside YI

Empty Spaces
Technical Difficulties
Addicted to Bond
Playing God