Kartikey Sehgal

While reading a document on ‘Women in Hinduism’, I noted the sentence:

“While today we normally assume that the ‘husband is the breadwinner of the household’, traditional Hindus say that it is Devi Annapuurnaa who is the presiding deity of Foodgrains.”

Of course. This is how it works. A man goes to earn food for himself and his family. To what man would Devi give food? To a man who is honest and hardworking. And what is this idea of praying?

Take this example. You stay in one of those homes that are Indian in spirit and you have a young sister who likes to play with you. Imagine that she is wearing a sari or a blouse and skirt. She also has a white tikka on on her head. It was red in colour yesterday; she likes to choose. She takes an important object from you and runs away. The object is important for you in her eyes; you may not deem it important. She wants you to chase her and reclaim it. You go to her and ask her nicely for the object. She smiles and laughs and refuses. Then you sing her praises. You tell her that she is pretty and will be beautiful once she returns the object. Such soft and nice cheeks. Her cheeks go east and west when she smiles. That tikka is of a good colour.

This is essentially an act of worshipping and the man who seeks food prays to the Devi thus. He is not lying to the Goddess. When you praise your sister for the object, you are not lying to her. You like making her happy and watching her laugh. It is not a lie. Praying to your sister has made your life fun and endearing. It has taken boredom away from your life. This is true prayer. It works on older women too but… that is why I mentioned ‘homes that are Indian in spirit’.

It does not mean you submit to the extent of insulting your self-respect. No. Your sister won’t take your complements seriously if you don’t respect yourself. When she sees that you are passionate and hard-working then she will want to hear about herself from you. She respects you and wants your self to tell her how nice she is. It’s the same with the Goddess.

She will not listen to you or your prayers unless you are a man of respect. She will give you boons (food/ fruit of your labour) if you are true to the spirit of manliness. Dishonest men don’t count. Their sister (Goddess) won’t even come to them.

The man takes the food home and his wife (or his girl) prepares tasty dishes. She takes care of the grains (we are still in the Indian home mould, not in the present day canned food mould). She ensures that the stock lasts for a long period of time. She is the caretaker of the food (and your home). Just like the Goddess is the caretaker of the grains. In this way nobody is superior or inferior. It’s a game and at best an illusion of superior/inferior that operates our relationship with women.

When you cuddle your sister and play with her and tell her that she is nice, she doesn’t bother you when you work. She even asks the neighbourhood people to keep silent so you are not bothered during work. This is how Goddesses bless us. With peace and prosperity.

Praying does not mean lying or fearing. It means doing what you like and following the natural course of life. When you were playing with your sister she was doing what she liked and you were liking what you were doing.

Imagine that it’s night now. You meet her again in the hallway/living room. She has changed into some night-dress. She is neat and your hair is all over the place. You look at one another and she smiles. She remembers all that you told her and likes it, though she knows you said it to get the object back from her. But there must be truth somewhere, why would you lie.

Kartikey Sehgal

The title is a line from a story published at vbelonghere.blogspot.com where Baskar writes:
What I mean is, what with our anxiety about the fate of our sisters, the love we have for them, the loss that we will suffer without them, and the grief their tears will cause us, I mean what is a gift or two to purchase some peace of mind?
He then states that “The second source of anxiety is that, should your sister cry, you will come to grief.”

This set me thinking about the natural quality (power) of sisters (women). Why will you come to grief, should your sister cry?

1. Sister as a woman, in the image of Kali, Durga and others. Righteous, and carries—has not forsaken—the qualities of womanliness. To such a woman—the bearer of children, life and dharma—should you cause grief, then you will come to grief.

You will come to grief. When you are with the bow and arrow, aiming for the apple, you will imagine the discomfort when you share the apple with her, and it will hurt you more when she accepts the apple without cursing you. The apple is important to her, a fuel for her life, and for the life of all life. That she will eat the apple, but with a sense of grief and void, will cause grief to you.

2. Through Science—Women and men are not alike. They think differently, and respect means the understanding of the biological differences.If you cause grief to a woman then you would have a hard time understanding her perspective. You would need to abandon your logic for the time-being and come to be like them to console them.

Not all men are philosophically inclined and the high-school football player may find it easier to give gifts to an aggrieved sister than to enquire into the nature of a woman. He can’t do this everyday so he will make sure that his sister remains happy; make extra efforts for the same; please her; for he knows that should his sister cry, he will come to grief.

Kartikey Sehgal

Chin Chiari and his family lived in a village. One day, some English speaking ladies came to the village to talk to Chin Chiari’s father. He didn’t understand anything the ladies said and asked them to speak to Chin Chiari.

The ladies were very happy to learn that Chin Chiari spoke in English. They praised him and called him “cute” and then they pulled his cheek. Chin Chiari smiled and told them that he didn’t like make-up of any kind.

The ladies asked Chin Chiari to let his sister come with them to the city school. She could become a doctor or an engineer. She was wasting her time knitting and gardening and serving food to the men.

“She like plant. She take care of it”.

“Then she could come and study botany in the girls’ university”, the ladies told Chin Chiari.

He liked the idea and asked the ladies whom his sister would serve at the university.

“Nobody sweetheart. She will live like a queen and then one day become somebody like us”.

“Then I not sending my sister to city”.

He told them that his sister liked to serve and he will not take away her happiness from her.

The ladies told Chin Chiari that gardening and knitting and serving men is a secondary job and that a woman should not be a slave.

“I go to mountain and cut tree, chase animal and build home in rainy season. I superior to my sister”.

“There you go”, the ladies told Chin Chiari, “you are being sexist, so unfair to your sister”.

Chin Chiari told them, “My sister knit bed and take care of plant vegetable. She make new food and serve us. She superior to me”.

Chin Chiari continued talking. “My sister superior in her way. I superior in my way. You want to know more?”

The ladies told him knitting and gardening and cooking were menial jobs and even men could do them. There was nothing special about them.

“Sometime my sister chop wood and I make food. But my heart ache for mountain wood and her heart ache for plant”, Chin Chiari told them.

The ladies started talking between themselves and used words like “sexist” and “men are pigs”.

Chin Chiari went to his home and got a heavy and pointed wooden stick. He told the ladies, “There is wolf behind you. Take the weapon and fight him”.

The ladies shrieked and ran away while Chin Chiari took care of the wolf. Then his sister served him food and they ate under a tree.