Kartikey Sehgal

St. Stephen’s College, Delhi.

St. Stephen’s (Delhi) contribution to India is commendable. It has given Her bright students and more importantly, girls who like to drive their father’s car. In fact, it is believed that Stephen’s girls have never stepped on a road.

My friend and I ventured into the empty Stephen’s college—sans people but with green gardens, healthy flowers and neat pathways and corridors. The buildings don’t have a name. You’ll have to ask around if you want to visit the library or the principal’s office. No big banners or signs here.

We discovered the library and were told that namelessness was a plan to compel the students to talk and discover the campus. “Just like you asked around to reach the library. You had to talk to people”.

The library’s furniture is not modern. “We didn’t want to have modern-day furniture. It is tradition”, a library staff member told me.

The highlight of our visit was our visit to the girls’ hostel. It is forbidden to enter their space. Even when they are not there to present a potential threat to your life. We didn’t know this. Until a lady attendant turned hysterical at our sight and the hostel guard—a man—asked the heavens how we managed to slip past him. Then he turned polite and told us to not enter the girls’ hostel because, “It is girls’ hostel. Hope you don’t mind”.

But while we were there, we saw the rooms and agreed that they were small. I imagined that women fought here due to claustrophobia; not that they don’t fight in open spaces.

And behold. The myth about women being cleaner than men was dispelled when we discovered this:

 
Truth about Stephen’s Girls

This information was found pasted on the hostel toilet door. Let us write the six commandments clearly, so you don’t have any doubts about the toilet habit of Stephen’s girls. Dirty husbands rejoice.

What we learn from this list:

1) Stephen’s girls don’t flush.

2) There is no water in the loo. Proves point 1.
Also, either there are no buckets in Stephen’s or girls are lazy.
Further proves point 1.

3) They take more than 10 minutes to bathe. But there is no water in the loos!
So Stephen’s girls don’t take a bath.

4) and 5) No comments. No wait. No. 4 actually proves that there is no water in the loos; only toilet paper. So point 3 is now assured. No.5 tells us that Stephen’s girls don’t know how to wrap pads or don’t dump them in the dustbin. Possibly, there is no dustbin in Stephen’s.

6) Note: Day Scholars refers to girls who didn’t drink the night before and suffer no   hangover in the day. A rare phenomenon. Hence they are called Day Scholars.
We further learn that Stephen’s girls do some business in the loos.
They call their hostel “residence”; as my relative would exclaim in moments of spiritual ecstasy, “Lol”.

Exploring Stephen’s through photographs:

Either that’s the name of somebody or it describes the students here. Or both.

Much of the social life of Stephen’s boys means progressing from giving the white flower to girls to giving the red flower. The red flower is generally accompanied by a car and at least three credit cards but the nicer girls would settle for a furnished three bedroom flat if you are nice to them and buy them Gucci.

The chapel. It is undergoing major repairs due to massive confession from students.

The Library: This is how the tables were in 1881, when the college was established. Students can be found here when they are not confessing in the chapel.

Eminent Stephanians: The college likes to admit its mistakes.

The Girls’ Hostel Corridor: Has seen many a blood-bath which works well because there is not enough water to bathe.

P.S: According to a senior member of St. Stephen’s,
“…if St Stephen’s sets up a co-educational hostel, it would have to set up maternity wards as well.” (source)

Dirty loos, no bath and they want to make babies.